Blue

Look at these sweet babies. I want to give them the world and all of my time, but because of the world I cannot give them all of my time.

I am in a bit of a funk. Maybe its the weather, being shut up inside all fall and all winter, maybe its the stress of working and trying to be wonder woman at the same time, maybe its the fact that my training at work was never completed so half the time I feel like an idiot when I don't know something, maybe its because I still can't lose that last 10-15 lbs, maybe its the fact that I havent had a solid full nights sleep since oh I dunno June? Maybe its just me.
I am so looking forward to spring so I can take the girls on walks and get some exercise and fresh air! I am excited and stressed about taking the girls out. Excited because before I became a mother I was always going somewhere and doing something. I liked to go window shop, but now things will be different because we attract so much attention. I am a wall flower, I prefer to blend in and be ignored. But being blessed with two adorable twin girls makes that impossible. We go to the doctors office everyone stares...or even follows us. I guess I didn't realize how crazy people are about babies. I mean I would always smile at them from a distance or maybe glance in a cart or stroller but never walk up to someone and stop and coo and touch and get in their childs face...but I guess we are all different.
Anyway another topic that has me and probably everyone else in the world FRUSTRATED....money. I hate it. I mean Brian and I are not in a huge amount of debt. We have the basics...car, house, medical bills, student loans...no crazy credit card debt thank goodness. But the thing that frustrates me. My paychecks go straight to student loans and child care. The only reason I am working is to pay for my student loans that I have because I wanted to be able to do something other than work at Starbucks for the rest of my life (nothing wrong with those that do, just wasn't for me ). Now I will spend the next 20 + years paying off that debt, when I could have been frugal and stayed at home with my 2 blessings....
Anyway.. I have been thinking about doing the Dave Ramsey financial classes. Just so I can get rid of the Student loan debt. But I have an issue with paying $$$ to learn how to manage my $$$. On the other hand I have heard a lot of good things about his financial peace university. I already pay for things out of my own account, I only use the credit card for things like expensive Car repairs. I don't buy a lot of clothes or shoes anymore. I just don't have the time to shop like I used to so I spend money on things like food and some things for the girls. But I don't like that I always use the debit card instead of cash....bad debit card bad bad bad.
The last debt issues...medical bills.. Brian and I are supposed to get a hefty refund this year...however... it will be spent on his medical bills and our NICU bill.
One good thing is the fact that I finally realize life isn't about "things"...I mean sure like anyone else I would like a bigger house...a newer nicer car and top of the line american dreams but...I have figured out that I can be happy without all of those worldly things. Family and Friends is what makes me happy....because ultimately...all of those worldly things can be taken and all that is left is the people you love and that love you.
on another note...Spring...please hurry...we all need u.