Dear Lord, Please send more chocolate

Still no camera ... soon though , hopefully... because I want to show off my TWIRLY BIRDS haircuts!
If ANYONE reads this... please leave me a hello or something... or I am thinking of taking myself totally private :) just comment below or email me. tsalsberry@hotmail.com

Job: again overdosing on Dr. Pepper, thoughts about beating my self over the head with their GINORMOUS training manual that I have had to sit and read for yes 4 days now... and will again tomorrow... UGH
I DID get to go to see the workshop where some of my clients will be working and I was able to meet one of my peers' clients... they(the client) were fun... they only like blue shirts and blue pants... OH I only wish I could be so simple!! I loved that they whispered their size to my peer...as if they were embarrassed about needing a larger size because ..they like to eat out.
That was a HIGHLIGHT for me because right before that I was praying for joy..because I have major difficulty finding that in my life...especially through these last two months of harsh trials...(I do count my kids). But that client brought me joy because I love how simple they are about life... 4 pairs of pants, some blue shirts and they are content... the way we were meant to be..child like... faithful, simple, loving.

I had a moment when I was PRAYING, BEGGING God to just bring me some chocolate... not literally but you know... something good in life. I'm stressed.. about our new sitter, about the car, about the job that I am unsure about, about my training at the job, about finding another counselor, a new hair stylist.... just feeling sorry for myself... me-? no .. never HA!... and I I have caught myself crying on my lunch break again! NO NO NO NO MORE doing that...
I know I am SUCH a Debbie Downer!...I'm trying to get better I Really AM!

POSITIVES
TARGET- my addiction. DR PEPPER- My PROBLEM. NEW JOB- thankful to have one. Chic-fil-a chicken salad sandwiches. Twirly birds, office buddies, peanut butter m&m's, the new stylist I am trying on saturday, JESUS.
Losses so far:
job, car, hairstylist, hair-literally, counselor, sanity, ten lbs, joy
Gains so far:
new job, new to me car, trying out new hair stylist, praying for sanity and joy, my hips have narrowed back down enough to be the size I was before the twirly birds... maybe even a lb or 2 smaller YAHOO.

Our "Fresh Start" started today........

Not - a -single- picture -from Easter. SO SAD ABOUT THIS! The girls looked adorable with their new little hair do's and cute little Easter dresses. I didn't even have time to use my i phone camera to take pictures :(... and we all know what happened to my other camera :-/
No pictures of their Easter basket which had...an adorable baby gap swimming suit, watering can, sidewalk chalk, shorts, tee, mickey mouse coloring book and sunglasses. Not a single picture...grr... angry with myself. I will have to ask relatives for copies of pictures.
Now...on with it....
UPDATE
NEW JOB:
Started it today. OVERWHELMED with all there is to learn. DISCOVERED how small this town really is...everyone knows everyone and gossips..pff. THINKING I am really going to enjoy my office buddy- we'll call her K. She seemed genuine, sweet, mellow and hardworking. The office as a whole- QUIET. I mean I went from a building FULL of cubicles with several different areas of expertice, no where in that building was quiet everyone stopped to chat etc....to a building where 17 of us "SC's" are divided into seperate offices- by offices I mean rooms. I just wanted to talk poor little "K's" leg off. My trainer (is 2 offices down)... Calm... quiet, thinker...she seemed to be distracted...to have something else on her mind... I saw her a total of maybe 3 hours... strange. I am BORED with training manuals. OVERDOSED on Dr. Pepper. ANXIOUS about learning everything there is to know, completing all of the requirements. Can someone please come hold my hand??!!
TWIRLY BIRDS: started the new sitter today. I am just not thrilled with her... but its really not fair of me to say because its only the first day... and she is not ME or Kendra SO I will continue to observe and evaluate and pray pray pray... please pray with me.... I really want a good sitter!!!- as do most mom's.... It is just so important to me that the girls have a good solid foundation of the Lord, a safe place to be and be loved. They deserve that. I just don't have the best "feeling" please pray God reveal that to me and that it NOT harm my children in anyway shape or form , but that he reveals why I have some discomfort with her. Brian thinks is just cause shes different than us... more liberal I guess... either way... this momma is not quite sold....eventhough the girls do OK with her.... please pray for them!

GOOD FRIDAY. Good trip.

No Camera= no new pictures- yet.... SO sad about this. I am missing a lot of things..... so hopefully I can buy a new camera SOOON!
My girs got ' official' haircuts this week when we went to Iowa. They both have the cutest lil 'bob' cut..
Thursday was very very very trying ... my patience were very thin with the girls.. I feel bad but they would not take a nap. I was trying to find certain items of clothing to wear for my new job and well... 2 fussy babies and a shopaholic... NOT a good combination.

But on the POSITIVE side. We drove my "new to me" car to Iowa. It did a good job...but I do miss a few things about the ole buick : rear assist, space space space and hiding places for things.
BuT I do like the new wheels .
Another positive... I bought a few essential items for my new job (YAY) excited about that because no I actually didn't buy them at Target... I bought them in the mall.... double YAY!

Positive... I was able to spend quality time with my sisters and all the kiddos.

Positive: no car crash.. We made it safely there and back...but did see a roll over accident on the way up :( the people were standing outside of the vehicle so I guess they are ok but I was prayin like no other... and it made me a little teary and anxious.

Positive: Kitchen Aid brought back their Raspberry Ice mixer.... remember this post. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have one for Mothers day but... they are really pricey !!! So I will continue to dream and be content with What I have ;)

The Lord is good and today is GOOD FRIDAY. We Love you JESUS. THank you for all you have done for us!

A reminder to be careful what you wish for.

Some wonder how I can still look at these pictures. The answer: God. This is all part of my story and he is writing it. We lived. The girls with out a scratch and I had very minor cuts on my hands and a few small bruises and a little bit of glass in my eyes and mouth and of course the seat belt left a lovely hickey looking mark on my neck. We were saved. There is no doubt in my mind that he was there that day. I didn't hit another car. The girls were spared and we move on with our life. The person who stole my camera has not come forward. Yes I know they stole it...it wasn't lost in the accident because it was in a duffel bag where nothing else but my camera, camera charger and iphone charger are missing...no clothing no perfume or make up... just those items.I am sad for the loss of the memory card...not the camera or other items.

I found a generic iphone cord so I was able to load my iphone pictures and it works. We heard from the insurance company and hope to get things wrapped up quickly.

The windshield... well the glass was originally still attached but must have fallen at some point...proving to me that it was not fully intact because it buckled in the center... it was not glued in place correctly.

I know that much worse could have happened. My friend wrote on my facebook post that I am a "Billboard for Jesus" and a woman at Bible study said that she admired my faith and that I inspire her. I do not feel worthy of ANY of these comments. I am just human and thankful to be typing this.

I say becareful what you wish for because I tend to be a "negative nellie." Always wishing for something better... if you look back in my post I complain about my camera, my granny mobile, my old house. Look. I no longer have my camera... that though it had a cracked screen and worked best in sunlight... it worked. I no longer have my "granny mobile" or the "Lazy boy" on wheels as my husband and I called it. It was a good car, good to drive, good to ride it, big, safe and we were not upside down on it(just upside down in it, ha?)... all material things. I didn't like the camera becasue I thought it should take Better pictures, I didn't love the car because it was in my eyes "ugly."

My lesson. Be content with what you have... I know , I know people say this ALL the time but truely. Be content with what you have. because you never know. Material is just material and when that day comes God is not going to say " ok pick your top 5 items and bring them with you"

This is a lesson for me. TO try to be more positive. TO not keep wishing I had this or that which I know alll of us do. At some point I will be posting pictures of the girls again. At some point I will have another camera and another car. But I will only have one Lillian and one Joelle, One husband, one Daisy, One dad, One Mandy, Jessi, Bryana, Kelsie, Grandma... all my friends...that is what I need to focus on. Learn from me and my mistakes. Because we are living proof there is a God and his team of angels, I all but saw them that day, but I felt them. They were very much there and very REAL.

Cause there's a bigger picture

Just when I thought we were moving on and on the up hill slide....they decided to remain in the toilet. While I have been praying to God for Flashing lights, Billboards and arrows to the path he wants me to follow... I didn't mean flashing lights via AMBULANCE. Nor did I need to have my name broadcast on television. I am a wall flower and I am just fine with not being noticed. Our world came crashing down (again).... literally on Friday April 8. I was so excited for my weekend trip to Iowa to go see my family and friends and enjoy myself and relax and have family time. I had my Sonic Dr. Pepper for me and sippys with white grape juice for the twirly birds, bags packed Ginny Owens in the CD player. Driving down the road, thinking about the shopping I am going to do with my sisters when I get to Iowa, thinking about what type of outfit to buy for my new job... and thinking about that annoying/ scary sound coming from my newly replaced wind shield... what is that?... I didn't even have the opportunity to make it out of Buchanan county. We just had the windshield replaced in my car two days prior because of a spider web crack... well when I started driving down the Highway I noticed a lot of whistling and rattling... like the windshield was going to be sucked off by the wind.... well my mind tends to jump to worse case scenario so I thought "oh Tabitha ignore it, its fine, maybe just hasn't quite settled, just turn up the radio." So while passing a lovely gold car I reached down to turn up the radio ... why I don't know ?...(because the controls are also on my steering wheel)....anyway out of the corner of my eye I thought I was drifting too close to the car I was passing(hind sight I think I was actually fine) so I quickly turned the wheel.... a little too much and...the car took control over its self. While this song is playing, I hear the tires squeel ,I feel my car toss and turn and bounce, then just when I think its over, my car starts rolling and rolling, glass shattering , things in the car being tossed around, I am screaming help us! My babies, no! Please God. I turned to reach to the back of the car as we start rolling. When we finally stop on our wheels...thankfully I hear the girls crying and what a blessing that was! Witnesses run up to our vehicle trying to get me out- we couldnt get my door open and I am just screaming "I have two babies I have two babies!" The good samaratin opens the passenger door and I am able to climb out half crying, shaking, in shock, unable to really focus...( I may have blacked out for a second... I'm not really sure. )anyway the police and ambulance arrive, the good samaratins bring my luggage and all other items that had scatterd across the Highway back to my car. We are loaded up in the ambulance and taken to the local hospital. My neck and back were hurting... The girls don't even have a scratch. The fire department and state patrol said they have never seen anyone strapped in so well. They said they should have taken a picture of what it is supposed to look like after an accident. Yes I am a carseat nazi and proud of it. This Saved my girls life.

Yes, we will be buying two more just like it.

After x- rays, scraping glass out of my eyes and mouth we were discharged. While leaving the hospital I told Brian about the song that I had playing in the CD player. I told him that this verse kept going through my head... "Cause there's a bigger picture you can't see You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me 'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan And through you I will show them, I Am "

God is talking to me. I know that to some of you - you think.. yeah right you are crazy but honestly silly things happen to me.... usually in dreams. I had dreams I would marry a Brian, I had dreams about having twin girls. But this song... is God's voice. I know it is. He is amazing. I am scared. I hope nothing else happens but I also hope my story can help others, I hope I continue to hear his voice.

I will keep you posted on all the happenings around here. GOd is working BIG in OUR LIFE. Can't wait to see whats next, because he is writing my story... maybe not how I pictured it.. but I know this is all for him.

oH by the way. .... ALL of my luggage, pack n plays, stroller, pillows toys... everything was recovered except... someone from the towing company went through my duffle bag and stole the only 3 valuable items I owned... my camera, camera charger and my iphone charger... so needless to say it will be awhile before pictures are posted... either I have to get an iphone charger or a new camera. The thing that makes me the most ANGRY is the fact that the theif stole my memories.. the memory card in the camera, take all that ...fine just give me back my memory card :(

Moving on with life.

We have been busy around here... taking care of babies and all ;) We finally got out to enjoy some of this nice weather!

Hi sissy!

Daddy and Joelle

Lillian

These pictures were added after the original post so I am sorry if it doesn't really flow...

Doesn't this car make you smile? It's my dream car... if I won the lottery :) I felt this picture was appropriate for this post of positives because I am feeling HAPPY and excited...but also my usual level of anxiety... which will always be a part of me.

Things are moving in a positive direction! YAY! Valuable life lessons have been learned. Lots of changes happening around here but that is a whole other post. We are moving on with life!

The twirly birds had their 18 month check up. Joelle is only 20lbs! My little petite, picky eater. Lillian is 21 lbs almost 22! Personalities are shining through. They LOVE animals and everything... is Daisy....even the 800Lb stuffed Rhino at Cabelas :)

We are ready for summer! Painted toenails and all!- which was an interesting experience..Lillian watched and observed, Joelle touched and made a big mess. :) We bought some fun Orange flip flops... Joelle didn't seem to mind them but Lilly Pop didn't care for them her toes kept going in the wrong spot and she would just stop and pull them off... we're working on it...

I hope to be back to my regular postings and to kick that off I am going to start with my list of positives. I PROMISE. I am not leading you on and I will share the story eventually but that is a dark place that I choose to steer clear from right now and focus on the POSITIVE. So I am starting my list again. With that being said HERE WE GO!

painted toes. warm temperatures. support from coworkers. friends. Jesus. Prayer rooms. books. awesome counselors. New Bible studies. New friends. Brownies. new job prospects. broken heart-yes this is a positive because it brings me to the Lord. self evaluation. PERSEVERANCE.

Lazy.

We are still alive. Taking one day at a time. I hope you don't mind our awesome hair. It's been one of those days....

This picture is a little late... the girls are almost 19 months but with everything going on here, taking pictures has been overshadowed by other things.

Today was one of those days where the 3 of us girls stayed in our pajamas...all day... yeah I know... its lazy but sometimes you just need a day like that. I stayed up too late last night doing laundry and surfing the internet.. so lesson learned... staying up late when you have to take care of children in the morning is like going to work with a hangover...I think... I don't drink but I remember what it was like. laundry.... will never be completely done...I wasn't really that far behind but ...really we are always going to be behind on laundry...its a never ending cycle ;)