Talk to me Tuesday-with Hickstionary

This weeks question:
What are you looking forward to this Christmas season?

I am looking forward to the obvious :girls opening their gifts (they only get 3 and that is going to be the max everyyear), time with family, Chrismas Music, good food (mostly desserts) and the reminder of the true reason we celebrate this season (sometimes I am guilty in getting caught up in all the hustle and consumerism).
notice: I have had difficulty with spelling lately. I usually don't realize it until I read my post for the 3rd or 4th time... so I appologize because it's really annoying! Spelling was my best subject ... what has happened?

before bed word vomit

I am really working on my attitude. I promise. I haven't complained all weekend. But tonight. I have jitters. I start the new(job I have been doing for 6mo) job tomorrow. I am scared. I am worried. Seriously- this is ridiculous. I am a big 27 year old girl. I am a Momma...which...aren't momma's supposed to be 100% in control at all times?...thats what I always thought. Well anyway, this momma is scared! Not of the job. The job I can do and enjoy doing. It's the person. I am afraid of her. Why am I giving someone else this much power ??? It's ridiculous..it's immature...but I can't help it.
I keep going over battle scenes in my head... ya know.. the ones where your like.. "if she does this to me again I am going to say this to her" and you think of these powerful things to say..but then it happens again... and you say nothing. You walk away with your tail between your legs and think about the movie Mean Girls... ugg!!!!
I just hope and pray tomorrow goes well. I hope I can get the stuff done that I need to finish up with out confrontation. I hope I can get organized in this new position(because that is always one of my downfalls). I hope I can stand up for myself if I need to. I hope I can make it through the day with out crying... cause last week I was 3 for 3.. worked 3 days Cried...for 3 days.
God has so many more important things that he needs to worry about , so I hate to ask him for help with this.. but I have to because without my faith in him... I don't think I will pass this test.
Well, I am off to shower so I can calm down before bed... hoping for a good tomorrow.
Night all!

I've got the Itch...

Ha...you thought I was going to say "baby itch" didn't ya? While that seems to be the topic of conversation at every. holiday. family. dinner...nope. I have my fill for now...
I have the itch to remodel, redecorate... uhh.. GUT my entire basement... or maybe the entire house?...anyway...

I have something like this in mind for the girls to put all of their toys..

You can find the rest of the photos here. Isn't it adorable... and I have an eye for Pottery Barn Kids... and there is a lot of PBK in this room!

But Brian has something like this in mind...with a bar... eventhough neither one of us drink.
I know. It makes a lot of sense Right?

Viewer discretion is advised: below is the most horrible. never before seen. basement.

It's true... I am ashamed. Most people have never set foot in this part of the house because... we haven't really touched it yet...

Entry.. I know. Lovely paneling and 70's ish.... doors?.. While we have remodeled the bathroom and our laundry area part of our basement... this room is at a loss.

I had big plans when we looked at this house... this was going to be a "Fabulous" movie room...
BUT.... my young.. newly wed mind failed to realize that these things cost lots of $$$

Well.... so far... its a fabulous..... JUNK room.

And.... no... I promise I am not a hoarder...just a busy momma...

and believe it or not I go into places 1000000 x worse than this on a daily basis.

It has turned into a free for all.... baby stuff...Brian's bachelor stuff, my holiday decor and neglected items.
See.. that door... in the corner... its a little tiny room that would be PERFECT for my craft stuff. but it needs cleared out of spiders and gutted....I straightened this place up a little bit... the other day while the girls were napping... sad enough you cant tell!

Oh well. hopefully we will be able to work on this room this summer.... depending on $$ and hubby

On to the weekend.

My dad (poppy) came to see us before we went to my aunts for Thanksgiving....The twirls were afraid at first but warmed up to him.

The twirls watching DAISY.

haha. too cute.

Hope everyone had a Great Thanksgiving.

I am thinking about doing a favorite things post next... I made the mistake of checking out 'Oprah's favorite things' and began to covet a lot of things... :(

I REPENT!

this is the week of record blogging for me! I had a HORRIBLE day, lots of tears, stress, angry thoughts and "Why God?" After talking to two of my four BFF'S (Bry and Daddy)I started feeling much better and began to remember the message from Sundays sermon- which was AMAZING... you can listen to it here , it's called "Where your Heart is." listener beware... it will stir your soul!
One of my FAVORITE songs they played you can watch here...hopefully or if you listen to the whole service you will hear it :)
Here are the lyrics...by Derek Webb
Lyrics:
i repent of my pursuit of America's dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent of parading my liberty i repent of paying forvwhat i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep wearin righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes
i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent

Isn't it soo good! I love it.

14 Months

Here we are 14 Months. I can't believe it. 2 walkers on their way to 2!

Because I am human

I am going to vent. Why? Because it is healthy not to hold it all in.

I am starting a new job on November 29th. It is a lateral move. I will still be in home services in the same office working for the same company, the only difference is that I will be doing Home Health instead of Hospice.
My attitude stinks right now because I really don't want to have to change jobs but I know it is the right move for my family. Right now I am working for Hospice PRN(as needed), no benefits. This has been a position where I have actually worked a set 32hours a week, but I have had a hospice case load and a home health case load for the past 6months or more. But because it is PRN, they (the big cheese) can say at any moment that they want me to drop my hours to 5 or up to 40 per week. Which makes a person a little uneasy when they don't know how much they could be working the following week.
With my new Home Health position I will be a SET 32 hours a week, with benefits , not PRN. This is a good move for my family. The reason I am upset is because everytime I get a job and get comfortable, I have to change. It is frustrating and I feel like I will never be able to be a GREAT social worker because I will never be in a position long enough to really become a PRO. For those of you that do not know, my first job after college was at a Geriatric Psych unit 40 minutes away from here, I stayed there for 3 months... and for many reasons changed jobs to work for the company I am with now, My first position here was with a state contract. When I was 7 months pregnant I was layed off due to budget cuts. My second position here ofcourse was hospice and I have been there 1 year TODAY. And now a nother change in two years. Lets count it -4- jobs in 2 years. Makes my track record look AWFUL. When before graduating college, I had the same job for 3+ years.
I keep praying about my attitude because #1 I am worried about working with my new peers because of very strong personalities. #2 I am worried about Social work burn out. #3 I have been angry and eating since I have decided to take this position.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mind doing the work for Home Health, its just that its a change and there is a lot of unknowns with this job but I know I need to trust in the Lord. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed the serenity prayer and prayed over my attitude in the past month.- Alot.
I am angry to have to change. I am angry that I am never able to fully grasp a job before yet another change and I am angry that things just aren't going my way. (don't judge)
I know God has a plan and I need to trust him. Does that mean we have to like it ? :-/
Anyway- the whole purpose for this rant is because I had a meeting with my Hospice peers this morning. I had to hand over my patients (case load) and I could just bawl even thinking about it. This is not something I am thrilled about doing and in some ways I feel like a failure.

Talk to me Tuesday the 4TH

I am taking part in Hickstionary's Talk to me Tuesday!

What were you like as a student in school?

I am going to be as honest about this question as possible.
Unlike most kids... I hated school. I enjoyed the social part... making friends, recess, cheerleading and study hall. I was average academically but struggled with math. I enjoyed reading and english (ha). I usually procrastinated with my homework, probably because I was nervous about the outcome and didn't fully understand it. I was pretty quiet in most classes when I was younger. In High school I was more vocal... and ALWAYS tired.
My friends and peers might remember things differently. I encourage them to pipe in :)

CPK UPDATE!!

Well, Xavier must have got my message and felt sorry for me because while I was on a baby snack run at Target, I decided to cruise right through the toy department to see if by chance they would have restocked their babies.... And..... THEY DID! YAY!! They couldn't be more perfect if I had made them myself. Ofcourse the pink one is Lillians and Purple is Joelle's. I am one very happy Momma. Brian said that he thinks I want to play with them more than the girls... I told him "that just isn't so." ;-)

So this adorable little sweet "Lilly Pop" will have a new baby doll :)

And so will this ornery little "Cupcake"-(plz ignore me in this pic, but I love how she is smiling with her binky..so cute....obviously..not my good side...and I was making an unattractive face)

Dear Cabbage Patch....

I have been a faithful fan for years. It all started when my aunt gave me my first cabbage patch in the 80's, her name is Terry. Followed by Angelica (crimp and curl doll) and Corrine the preemie. I have even bought each of my nieces one. ... AND every since I saw this darling new cabbage patch ... I knew that my girls each HAD to have one!

Here is the problem .... only Target carries you. I have called 2 different Target stores to put 4 of you on hold... only to find out that when I get to the store (1hour +) away... they are holding the WRONG dolls :-/ I have been to a total of 4 different Target stores... and I have found.... drum roll please..... 1 of you.... :( I need 2. I just don't understand why you will only allow Target to carry you.... you see EVERYONE loves Target...so you fly right off the shelves.....so I guess I am asking for a map to the Cabbage patch... or if you could have the stork drop one of you off it would be greatly appreciated... my girls both have blonde hair, blue eyes.
Love,
one CPK faithful momma.

Thank goodness for TUESDAYS!

Thank goodness I am off on Tuesdays. Monday was a rough day. I had a home health visit (my new job, more on that later) and the home was so bad that I had to go home and shower and throw my clothes in the washer before going back to the office. I feel bad for these people but a messy house is considered a personal choice unless it is hazardous to their health... and though I think it was hazardous to mine... the state may not agree so I didn't hotline them. With this job I realize just how fortunate I am and that my small cramped home isn't so bad after all.

Today I left the living room for 2.5 seconds to grab a laundry basket, when I came back I couldnt find the girls... they were hiding behind the couch looking at (tearing up) the wal-mart toy ad :-)

It was really warm today. I thought that it would be the last warm day before snow, so we went for a walk on my favorite street.

I love it here!

We brought our friends...including Daisy...eventhough it was extra work for me!

and black bear came along too...

Joelle fell asleep but she is starting to wake up in this picture.
Lillian fell asleep :-) Look at those KILLER lashes!

Here is the view from the front of the car ... quite the load.

I am ready for a bigger vehicle!

Who knew that getting into the diaper bag and pulling all the diapers out could be so much fun?!

HAHA... too cute for me to get mad.

And they obviously had a blast.....

I sent their pictures in for the Baby Gap Casting call... love my girls and I know they are beautiful but the chances of them being picked over millions of other babies is slim to Nil :(
Lillian

Joelle.

Talk to Me Tuesday! x3

I am taking part in Hickstionary-"talk to me tuesday"
This weeks question: "If you could tell your teenage self anything, what would it be?"

A. I was a mess as a teenager, I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 7th grade - freshman year of college, so there are SO many things that need to be said to my teenage self but at this moment this is what comes to mind.

All of those little things that you think matter now, will not matter in the future. Popularity, clothing and all of the material things are not going to make a difference in ten years. Walk with God and life is much more fulfilling, even if it isn't the "cool" thing to do now. One day you will be depression free thanks to God, a good husband, great friends and twin girls!(that would have made me REALLY excited!)

Baby Dedication.

WARNING: my camera does not take good pictures... so most of them are really dark and difficult to see. I am fully aware that I need a new camera, however, I am going to start the Dave Ramsey Financial plan in January...(more on that later :)

For some reason, the girls like to get this basket out and push it around... Joelle prefers to climb in it and sit for awhile... or scream to be pushed...depending on the day.

Lined up for Baby dedication at Church :) Lillian is playing with my bracelet so she doesn't break down.

Lots of babies... mostly girls and another set of twins other than ours.... but we didnt get a good picture of them.

Camera is dark but so is our church...

And here is Lillian ... she loves to push the basket too. Normally... it sits in their room and has their quilts in it.

After our dedication we went to lunch with Brian's mom and Grandma Nellie. That was the highlight of our weekend. It has been pretty uneventful. Just trying to keep up with Life.

kitty cat, Lady bug and a Shower.

Well, my gingham project didn't exactly work out as I had planned so.. I re-painted my letters instead. I like them, adds a little something to my WAY outdated 70'S kitchen...which will hopefully be remodeled within the next year....(that is the plan)

We had my cousin's baby shower the day before halloween. I bought the girls these darling dresses on the clearance rack at Target, the tights were an after thought and the bow I bought for them for Christmas last year. I had the bow custom made and they were not able to wear it until now! Joelle

Lillian- who is also WALKING!!!

This is my cousin, she is the CUTEST pregnant lady, you can't even tell she is pregnant from behind! She is having a little boy- Jesse :)

Opening our gift :)

The girls and I on Halloween. I didn't do matching costumes this year but I have lots of ideas for next year :) Lillian=ladybug Joelle=kitty cat

Not happy- daddy took the remote away... and the snowball began

Mommy and Joelle

Daddy and Lillian. We SERIOUSLY didn't plan to wear matching shirts but ... did anyway.

Great Grandma Nelli with Lillian.

Talk to Me Tuesday.

If you could relive one day of your life, what would it be and why?
(can't be any major milestone day)

Well, there are so many days that I would relive- or not. Mine would be a week that Brian I had for vacation in Colorado 3 years ago. We stayed in a cabin in the middle of no where for a week, quiet, no phone, no television (only movies) for a week. It was fabulous. No fighting, no stressors, only reading, eating and movies :)...