Could it be...is that you sunshine?

I feel like I haven't updated my blog forever. Well I intended to do a special post on March 23rd because that was the anniversary of the day I found out there were TWO in my belly! Oh what an exciting, shocking, scary Wonderful day it was!!! Anyway I didn't get to do that special post because I have been soo busy at work and just plain exhausted at home. I now have a laptop attached to me all day at work for charting purposes sooo needless to say I am over computers. Anyway....
Today is my day off during the week and what a perfect day it has been! It was 72 today! And..... we had SUNSHINE!!! So exciting. So we hurried and got around this morning... we put on our dresses and we went OUT!

We wore our cute fancy socks from Bry for the first time.

We put on our headbands that are almost too small for our growing heads.
I guess we may have to hand those down to our twin friends that are 4 mo younger.

Joelle aka "Cupcake"- she looks like my baby pictures

Lillian aka "Lily Pie" she also looks like my baby pictures and her daddy's

" Please stop touching my BUMBO!!"

please............

Cheese! Aren't we Cute?!!

"Hmm wonder how her fingers taste."

I was a little hesitant to post my next picture because I haven't mailed

the pictures off to family yet because I just got them today but here we go.

Ok- so I am so not Tech Saavy...at all and I don't really know

how to scan our pictures but here is a sneak peak of our Easter

Pictures. I wish I could have got a better photo of the dresses because they

are really cute on and they look adorable in yellow! I will try
to get better pictures of them on Easter Sunday. Brian has to work.

BOO! But we are going to my aunts to have dinner and my new cousin Berkley will
be there! I hope it is a decent day and doesn't end up cold and rainy like usual.

Lazy Weekend

This weekend we were pretty lazy. I have been trying to get the girls to eat cereal for over a month now...and it hasn't worked out. So we have moved on to Orange veggies, Sweet Potatoes. Lily loves them. Joelle could care less (I have a feeling she is going to be my pay back picky eater!).

We found our toes!!!

We played in our exersaucers.

And I will spare you this picure but I thought that it would be ok to move on to size 2 diapers because we are out of size 1 and we have plenty of size 2. But boy was I wrong....Sunday morning the girls were playing on their play mat happy as little clams and Brian came in to pick Lily up and say " good morning"......well needless to say she had a not so pretty surprise...when he picked her up his hand was covered in....poo. Lily was covered, her blanket and play mat were covered....what a mess! Guess we aren't ready to move on to size 2...

6 months....ALREADY?!

It's official. Half a year has already disappeared. This is Lillian and I before bed. She is definitely a mommy's girl. (my hair is wet...not greasy HA!) Today we had our 6mo follow up with The Children's Spot ...which is part of the hospital where the girls were born. They checked to see if the girls were on target and no surprise to me ... they are doing perfecto!

The six month photo shoot...we tried several poses....like this but one was looking at the other or falling down so we adapted...

This was easier ...and I think it turned out pretty cute.

For my baby showers last year ...I got a lot of summer clothes 6-9 months.... and I washed them and went through them all... and of all these clothes I do not think they will be able to wear very many of them by the time it gets warm because they are growing so fast! You would never know they were Preemies!

So on our way back from our appointment we stopped at Babies R' Us and surprise...they had a sale on Carter's clothing soo I managed to find a few things :)

Won't be long and they will grow out of these outfits as well! Now...if they would just eat cereal....

Iam worn out

This was a very busy weekend. All of us girls are worn out, but we had a great time! My friend from home came to visit. Kelsie spent Friday night - Sunday with us.

On Saturday we braved the mall (an hour away). Kelsie was a GREAT help. She is very patient and let me look at a million stores and a million dresses and helped take care of the girls...though they didn't even cry. We also met my lovely friend Bryana at the mall. (forgot to get her picture). This was our first full day of shopping. By the time we made it to the mall I had to feed the girls. So we went to the mothers room inside of Nordstrom. It was kind of stressful for me because I had difficulty with the stroller but I think once I get my backpack diaper bag it will help with the issues. After feeding and changing the girls the hunt was on for Easter dresses. The girls were SO good! They were born to shop! HA! Here is a sneak peak of the dresses...
They are going to be darling! I have to order headbands to match and white patent shoes and we will be set!

The girls LOVED playing with Kelsie. Here she is with Joelle.

And again

Lily loved to watch Kelsie talk. She was mesmerized by her stories. She would just stare and smile.

Joelle has learned to roll her tongue like mommy. Lily has a new love -her thumb. They are growing so fast. I am getting nervous because they will soon be mobile and it will be time to baby proof!!!

Days like these

make me think about throwing in the towel. Make me rethink the reason I am still breast feeding. Make me want to say "I can't do it any more" " Why did I make this decision" " I should have caught that, I am not a very good social worker" make me want to call 911 for Ben& Jerry , a package of Milano cookies,the biggest Dr. Pepper on the rocks possible and the bag of Reeses Peanut butter cup eggs that I polished off by myself last week. Days like these make me want to fall to my knees and pray.
I am not asking for sympathy. I just need to put my day to paper.


Go to work..realize I have to see 20 patients in two days
Go go to an anonymous nursing facility to visit patients. Visit Patient A who doesn't want anything to do with me then patient B who is crying so much that I cannot understand her and I want to lose all my professional self control and cry with her.

Go to lunch with old co workers (from previous position in which I was laid off while Pregnant.. not a hot topic) Sit down while they are already discussing things I already know about previous catty, mean, lying, un reiable ex boss. Then new boss sits directly behind me at this restaurant and makes me so nervous I have to leave. Go back to nursing facility to visit patients, call from husband. Car broke down. OF COURSE IT DID. Go pick up husband. Follow husband to mechanic. Receive call from my team nurse..need emergency placement for demented patient. Of course WE DO. Run back to office to pump really quick so I do not explode like a milk jug.
Go to demented patients home and prepare for a transfer. This is a hard situation, he really wanted to stay in his own home, his family was willing to stay with him until he became paranoid and irritable. -Lung cancer-mets to the brain not an easy disease. The patient is confused, angry and tearful. The family and caregivers, tearful, upset with feelings of guilt.- Understandably so. -

did I mention that during the midst of this husband calls to say car will cost $1000 to fix-say it with me- Of course it will!

At the end of the day my mind is swimming. Why do I have this job in hospice? I am not nearly strong enough to handle this job. Did I just fail this patient, could I have done something more to help him stay at home? I don't know whats worse, dying suddenly or knowing you are going to die and having the disease process be slow and miserable. I have SO MANY patients say to me "can't we just hurry this along?" " I want to die already, how much longer?"- It is truly heart breaking to see these people in so much pain and linger. I know there is a reason God put me in this job. I just have yet to see it.